If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
