my sisters under your porch take her home
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
