My first STD was from a foam party
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
