Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it's great music for shaving your balls
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
