I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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