you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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