The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize