Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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