6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
