Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
