just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
