he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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