I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
