We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
