remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
