no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
