"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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