They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
