Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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