just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
