i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
