I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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