my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
