I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
