Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
