i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
