so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
