Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
