we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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