I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
