so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
