1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
