Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
