On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
