we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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