you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Randomize
