i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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