i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
