how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
