i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
