It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
