on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
