I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize