so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
