I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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