Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
