I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
