Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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