I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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