Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
