8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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