so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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