I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
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