Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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