afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
