And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
