I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize