I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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