so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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