I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
