He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
