; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
