I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize