My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
