Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
