Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
