I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize