I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
