they need to just BURY HIM!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
