Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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